Its the last day of July, my summer vacation is 2/3 over and I don't have much to show for it. Well, a trip to Japan, that's quite a bit to show for it, but aside from that, not much. I don't have steady work, so I am dirt poor. I can't get steady work because I don't have a car. I don't know if I mentioned this before, but my uncle wrecked my car while he was still living with us. As a result of that and our own lack of money, I don't have a car to call my own. Therefore, my ability to leave the house is controlled by the availability of my parents. I had wanted to go to the gym on a regular basis to get into shape. Too bad the gym is a ten minute drive away. My work-out schedule is thus governed by how tired my mom is after coming home from work. That sucks a lot. I am officially bored of being home and I am fully ready to go back to school where I can work, study and work out at my leisure because everything is in walking distance.
My unproductive summer can be blamed on my bad luck (fired from movie theater on a misunderstanding of words and not having a steady job at my back-up because my mom's boss told them I would be in Japan in the summer, so they hired somebody else!!! My only work for the summer comes from organizing this woman's house for her!) and on the lay-out of suburbia. Damn you Suburbia!! Because of you I can't go anywhere but Walgreens without use of a car. You are bad for the environment and you ruin my life! Damn you to hell!
I am very ready to go back to school. I have also had very little social contact this summer. Most of my friends are taking summer classes. (I couldn't take summer courses even if I needed to because I can't afford them. I'm maxed out on financial aid) The two friends that aren't out of town on vacation or at school work 9-5 every day because they have steady work! What the hell? I mean really! What the hell did I ever do to anybody to deserve this luck? I could of sworn I was a decent person!
ugh...
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Saturday, July 19, 2008
The walls are blue.
The walls in my room at home are blue; a deep dark blue that make all times of day feel like twilight if the blinds are closed. Like my feelings about my own self-image, my feelings about my room change often. The walls are bold, and I sometimes and sorely tempted to invest in new paint to repaint my walls a nice calming light teal, something closer to turquoise or sea foam. I have yet to do such a thing. Maybe one day. But since I continue to swing back to liking the calming darkness of my room, the color is likely to stick around for some time yet.
The colors of my room promote dreams, or so I like to think. I could always just be full of it. Speaking of which, and quickly skipping over the fact that I have recently re-realized that my self image in both reality and in my dreams do not match the reality of how I actually look to others, nor do my self images and dream images match each other, I had a cool dream the night before last. My mom interrupted me before I could finish writing the entirety of the dream in my recently rediscovered dream journal, but I still remember almost all of the dream. I have found that if I think really hard soon after waking, forcing myself to relive the dream in waking while the dream is still fresh, I can remember most of it. Then later, when I go through the dream in my mind again, I can actually re-dream it in waking life.
The dream starts with me being in a large crowded hall with a group of friends. Awake I realize that none of my friends in my dream are friends in real life, let alone real people I have ever seen. Ignoring that, I run away from the city with these friends when the government informs the population that a human eating demon is moving into the city and there is nothing they can do to stop it. While others cry out in terror, myself and six others slip out of the hall and hike out of the city under cover of darkness. All the while we were terrified of being caught by the human eating demon during our escape from the city. We escape unhindered, retreating deep into the forest to an old abandoned camper trailer. The trailer was shaped more like a house, square in shape rather than rectangular. Inside there was a small entrance way with a sink, stove, and a bathroom in a closet. A second door within this entrance area leads into the rest of the trailer, that is a large square room that someone had set up with three sets of bunks and one lone twin sized bed. Tall windows were obstructed by the bunks that took up all the wall space save for a few feet of wall that was covered by a tall dresser instead.
The seven of us lived here commuting into the city when we needed something and to work, but otherwise staying secluded in the woods. Our hope being that the human eating demon would stay in the city were his prey was concentrated and easily captured rather than all the way out in the middle of no where he would have to search a long time to find only a few.
Months passed with us living in the trailer, winter set in. Five were inside bundled up in their beds, retaining what warmth they had. Myself and one other girl were inside, but not in bed. The two of us found that some animal, a raccoon most likely had gotten into the entrance way. We ran to shoo it away. The door was mainly made of glass which the animal broke in escaping. As a result, the cold was flowing into the cabin in mass. The other girl chased the animal away, then came in freezing. She looked at the door. "What are we going to do?" She asked.
"Don't worry, I answer, I will take care of it. Go back inside and get warm." Once the other girl was inside the main room I got started piling up the snow that had blown inside. I managed to construct a new door, or rather, more of a snow and ice barricade to keep in the warmth and out the wind. However, the shattered glass of the door was all over the floor, and I ended up cutting my hands while constructing the barricade. As a result, my blood was mixed in the snow and ice of the barricade.
Once done, I bandaged myself and went to bed. I don't know if it was days or hours before I woke next in the dream. I may have become ill constructing the barrier of snow and ice in the cold of the blizzard that had been howling outside of the trailer. I know that at one point in time that I became aware of the other people in the trailer they were discussing the possibility that the smell of my blood all over the makeshift door might draw animals, or the demon. The eldest guy among us, a man in his upper twenties reassured the other of the unlikelihood of the demon being drawn to the smell of blood this far from the city. He also mentioned the deal the government had cut with the demon. People had stopped going to work, terrified of being caught by the demon. To encourage people to go about their lives, they go the demon to agree to only prey upon children so that the adults could protect the children, keep them inside and always accompanied by adults so that the adults were safe, and should a child be taken, the blame could be lain on the adult for not taking proper care to fully protect the child. With this agreement, the demon could not come after us. We are all adults. A woman wondered aloud, "But, if the government has no power over the demon to get him to leave the city, what power do they have over him to make him limit who he preys upon?"
When I next woke I realized I was in bed. I didn't actually recall getting into this particular bed. It was the upper bunk, close to the ceiling. The window reached from the bottom bunk all the way to just a few inches from the ceiling, so when I opened my eyes, it was like I was outside. I could not see the wall when I first opened my eyes.
However, as soon as I opened my eyes, I shut them. Sitting in a tree only twenty feet from the side of the trailer was a man. A man with curly brown hair hanging over his closed eyes, his arms crossed over his chest, and one leg hanging from his perch, the other crossing the branch to stabilize him. From his back extended two expansive dark brown bat wings that hung on either side of him towards the ground.
Sitting in the tree outside my window was the demon.
I did everything in my power to keep my features relaxed, like I was still just sleeping. Moments passed. The inside of the trailer was quiet, where was everyone else? All I could hear was the morning song of the birds outside. Eventually the urge to see if the demon was still there sleeping in his perch overwhelmed me. I very slowly allowed my eyes to open so I could see out through just my lashes. There was the demon, still in his same perch, same position. I almost relaxed, that is until I realized his eyes were open, and he was watching me.
I allowed my eyes to flutter closed, continuing to pretend I was sleeping. I stretched my arms over my head, and my legs out all the way so my toes touched the foot board. It was indcredibly difficult to feign sleepiness and sleep laden limbs when adrenaline was pumping through my system, my heart racing a mile a minute. Still in my stretch, I tried to decide whether or not to turn my back, turn over and curl up and continue feigning sleep until the demon left. I heard that the demon couldn't enter a home unless he was invited inside. I could pretend he wasn't there. I was safe.
I rolled over at the end of my stretch, eyes still closed and curled up in a tight ball, arms wrapping around my legs. Moments passed again. Soon enough, curiosity got the best of me, and I opened my eyes to see if there was anyone else in the trailer. I didn't feign sleep this time, just opened my eyes. The promptly flew open in shock. There was the demon sitting on the window sill on the other side of the room, and staring straight at me. He was inside. Inside alone with me.
"You're finally awake. I had been worried." the demon said. It seemed as if one moment he was on the other side of the room, then he was standing beside the bed, stroking my face in a way that can only be described as "lovingly".
In terror, I had no voice to speak.
"Don't fear me love. Your government had told me they would give me my mate no matter who she was, whether she wanted to come with me or not, if I agreed to their limitations on my prey. I jumped at the opportunity to have you."
Me? His mate?
"I smelled your blood on the wind. I was furious to find you hurt. You friends didn't take very good care of you. I could have lost you."
"Where are they?" I asked. Had he eaten them?
"Your government arrested them. Any other questions?"
"How did you get inside?"
"I got permission from you government. The same reason they arrested your friends. You were squatting on government land without paying taxes, let alone rent. As such, this building does no belong to you or your friends, but to your government, and when I told them there were illegal squatters keeping my mate from me, they took them away and gave me permission to enter. I've been looking after you."
Looking for me? The human eating demon? Me, his mate?
Here, the rest of the dream becomes fuzzy. I know there is some adventure in the city as I try to flee the demon. Eventually I take to running to him rather than away. Then there is another exciting adventure on an island in the middle of the sea surrounded by other small islands. For some reason there is a threat of the sea swallowing the island we were on, and we had to retreat onto another island on a little row boat. I haven't quite been able to recall the connection between these dream segments. I think the disparity can be explained by my having woken briefly when my mom arrived home to do some errands.
I feel like the first half has the foundations to become a really cool short story. What do you think?
The colors of my room promote dreams, or so I like to think. I could always just be full of it. Speaking of which, and quickly skipping over the fact that I have recently re-realized that my self image in both reality and in my dreams do not match the reality of how I actually look to others, nor do my self images and dream images match each other, I had a cool dream the night before last. My mom interrupted me before I could finish writing the entirety of the dream in my recently rediscovered dream journal, but I still remember almost all of the dream. I have found that if I think really hard soon after waking, forcing myself to relive the dream in waking while the dream is still fresh, I can remember most of it. Then later, when I go through the dream in my mind again, I can actually re-dream it in waking life.
The dream starts with me being in a large crowded hall with a group of friends. Awake I realize that none of my friends in my dream are friends in real life, let alone real people I have ever seen. Ignoring that, I run away from the city with these friends when the government informs the population that a human eating demon is moving into the city and there is nothing they can do to stop it. While others cry out in terror, myself and six others slip out of the hall and hike out of the city under cover of darkness. All the while we were terrified of being caught by the human eating demon during our escape from the city. We escape unhindered, retreating deep into the forest to an old abandoned camper trailer. The trailer was shaped more like a house, square in shape rather than rectangular. Inside there was a small entrance way with a sink, stove, and a bathroom in a closet. A second door within this entrance area leads into the rest of the trailer, that is a large square room that someone had set up with three sets of bunks and one lone twin sized bed. Tall windows were obstructed by the bunks that took up all the wall space save for a few feet of wall that was covered by a tall dresser instead.
The seven of us lived here commuting into the city when we needed something and to work, but otherwise staying secluded in the woods. Our hope being that the human eating demon would stay in the city were his prey was concentrated and easily captured rather than all the way out in the middle of no where he would have to search a long time to find only a few.
Months passed with us living in the trailer, winter set in. Five were inside bundled up in their beds, retaining what warmth they had. Myself and one other girl were inside, but not in bed. The two of us found that some animal, a raccoon most likely had gotten into the entrance way. We ran to shoo it away. The door was mainly made of glass which the animal broke in escaping. As a result, the cold was flowing into the cabin in mass. The other girl chased the animal away, then came in freezing. She looked at the door. "What are we going to do?" She asked.
"Don't worry, I answer, I will take care of it. Go back inside and get warm." Once the other girl was inside the main room I got started piling up the snow that had blown inside. I managed to construct a new door, or rather, more of a snow and ice barricade to keep in the warmth and out the wind. However, the shattered glass of the door was all over the floor, and I ended up cutting my hands while constructing the barricade. As a result, my blood was mixed in the snow and ice of the barricade.
Once done, I bandaged myself and went to bed. I don't know if it was days or hours before I woke next in the dream. I may have become ill constructing the barrier of snow and ice in the cold of the blizzard that had been howling outside of the trailer. I know that at one point in time that I became aware of the other people in the trailer they were discussing the possibility that the smell of my blood all over the makeshift door might draw animals, or the demon. The eldest guy among us, a man in his upper twenties reassured the other of the unlikelihood of the demon being drawn to the smell of blood this far from the city. He also mentioned the deal the government had cut with the demon. People had stopped going to work, terrified of being caught by the demon. To encourage people to go about their lives, they go the demon to agree to only prey upon children so that the adults could protect the children, keep them inside and always accompanied by adults so that the adults were safe, and should a child be taken, the blame could be lain on the adult for not taking proper care to fully protect the child. With this agreement, the demon could not come after us. We are all adults. A woman wondered aloud, "But, if the government has no power over the demon to get him to leave the city, what power do they have over him to make him limit who he preys upon?"
When I next woke I realized I was in bed. I didn't actually recall getting into this particular bed. It was the upper bunk, close to the ceiling. The window reached from the bottom bunk all the way to just a few inches from the ceiling, so when I opened my eyes, it was like I was outside. I could not see the wall when I first opened my eyes.
However, as soon as I opened my eyes, I shut them. Sitting in a tree only twenty feet from the side of the trailer was a man. A man with curly brown hair hanging over his closed eyes, his arms crossed over his chest, and one leg hanging from his perch, the other crossing the branch to stabilize him. From his back extended two expansive dark brown bat wings that hung on either side of him towards the ground.
Sitting in the tree outside my window was the demon.
I did everything in my power to keep my features relaxed, like I was still just sleeping. Moments passed. The inside of the trailer was quiet, where was everyone else? All I could hear was the morning song of the birds outside. Eventually the urge to see if the demon was still there sleeping in his perch overwhelmed me. I very slowly allowed my eyes to open so I could see out through just my lashes. There was the demon, still in his same perch, same position. I almost relaxed, that is until I realized his eyes were open, and he was watching me.
I allowed my eyes to flutter closed, continuing to pretend I was sleeping. I stretched my arms over my head, and my legs out all the way so my toes touched the foot board. It was indcredibly difficult to feign sleepiness and sleep laden limbs when adrenaline was pumping through my system, my heart racing a mile a minute. Still in my stretch, I tried to decide whether or not to turn my back, turn over and curl up and continue feigning sleep until the demon left. I heard that the demon couldn't enter a home unless he was invited inside. I could pretend he wasn't there. I was safe.
I rolled over at the end of my stretch, eyes still closed and curled up in a tight ball, arms wrapping around my legs. Moments passed again. Soon enough, curiosity got the best of me, and I opened my eyes to see if there was anyone else in the trailer. I didn't feign sleep this time, just opened my eyes. The promptly flew open in shock. There was the demon sitting on the window sill on the other side of the room, and staring straight at me. He was inside. Inside alone with me.
"You're finally awake. I had been worried." the demon said. It seemed as if one moment he was on the other side of the room, then he was standing beside the bed, stroking my face in a way that can only be described as "lovingly".
In terror, I had no voice to speak.
"Don't fear me love. Your government had told me they would give me my mate no matter who she was, whether she wanted to come with me or not, if I agreed to their limitations on my prey. I jumped at the opportunity to have you."
Me? His mate?
"I smelled your blood on the wind. I was furious to find you hurt. You friends didn't take very good care of you. I could have lost you."
"Where are they?" I asked. Had he eaten them?
"Your government arrested them. Any other questions?"
"How did you get inside?"
"I got permission from you government. The same reason they arrested your friends. You were squatting on government land without paying taxes, let alone rent. As such, this building does no belong to you or your friends, but to your government, and when I told them there were illegal squatters keeping my mate from me, they took them away and gave me permission to enter. I've been looking after you."
Looking for me? The human eating demon? Me, his mate?
Here, the rest of the dream becomes fuzzy. I know there is some adventure in the city as I try to flee the demon. Eventually I take to running to him rather than away. Then there is another exciting adventure on an island in the middle of the sea surrounded by other small islands. For some reason there is a threat of the sea swallowing the island we were on, and we had to retreat onto another island on a little row boat. I haven't quite been able to recall the connection between these dream segments. I think the disparity can be explained by my having woken briefly when my mom arrived home to do some errands.
I feel like the first half has the foundations to become a really cool short story. What do you think?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
