Spring Break!!

....is over.....

Well damn it all. I'm back at a school and currently cleaning up my room. Moving back in, no matter for how briefly I was gone always results in a mess of a room. I always come back with more stuff than I left with, that and I really do fail at packing light. I have an excuse this time though! I was out of quarters and I needed to do laundry, so I brought it all home.

Before going home I went to Chicago! Chicago was freaking awesome! I went with my friend Lissa and we saw the sights. We couldn't really do any hardcore partying or bar hopping, not that either of us are really the type, but we wanted to try it out. Anyway, we couldn't since I am still underage. But not for long! Less than a month and I turn 21! But damn there is a lot standing in the way before then. So much work, several exams, planning Beltaine, a huge group project, Calculus ( Calculus is in the way of everything, always) all stand in the way before my birthday finally arrives. Its the big 21, too!

I'm a little depressed again. You know, I was kind of depressed before my 18th as well. I guess its just such a big date. I mean, I can't tell myself I'm a kid anymore after 21. I don't know if I am ready for it. I feel like I should goof off and be immature before it comes, but I can't really bring myself to. I like being alone in my room, I like reading in my spare time, and really, all my social goof off time is D&D and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. (I mean really, I have totally become a geek...I blame society sucking so much) I have all of one good close friend here at Oberlin and very little desire to socialize more. I wonder if I will regret this later? I kind of regret it now.

Thing is, I have found, and this is not really a new development, its just bothering me more, that I don't really like the people at Oberlin. I mean, I like the sense of community, I like that people are out there and liberal, and I totally love the campus, but the people as individuals don't impress me. They all seem immature to me, being weird for weirdness's sake and not because they are individualistic. I mean, they are all weird in the same damn way! And I don't fit in. And this is mostly my fault and I mostly don't care. I refuse to change myself, whether it is to become more liberal or more conservative just so I can fit in. I refuse to doll myself up to get a guy (not that there are many guys worth getting). I refuse to be vegetarian and that is FINAL. I love meat. I will kill something and eat it myself because that is the way things are supposed to be and I will not change my eating habits just because I am an environmental studies major! I know eating meat is bad for the environment, but not eating meat is bad for me. My god, I get so pissy, down and downright unpleasant to be around when I am denied my meat. So, I WILL NOT GO VEGETARIAN DAMNIT!

Sigh, anyway, I just needed to get that out of my chest. And I don't know why, but I have this weird sense that something drastic is going to happen to me, I don't know what, but I just feel like something is coming and that it really needs to happen. It might be miserable, I might get sick, I might get injured, but it needs to happen. I mean, I have had dreams since late in high school where something drastic happens and I transform as a person. I call these my chrysalis dreams. I have been having them a lot recently as well as quite a few more nightmares than usual. I can't help but feel that something is coming. I am just hoping that it all turns out well in the end.