Sunsets

My room faces the west. As a result, in the mornings it stays cold for a really long time! However, that also means we get to see some spectacular sunsets. Those things just creep up on you! Here are a few pics to sunsets from my room, one today and one from several weeks ago.



It basically makes the cold worth it. Its nice to look up from my work and see something like that.

Heart Light- The Story Begins

Don’t scream.
Don’t cry.
The call will draw the Dark inside.
Hearts are such fragile things
That they will willingly go where the darkness reigns.
Should you cry in fright, shock or fear
When at last before you, your heart’s light appears
Into the darkness your heart will flee
And only darkness will come from where it used to be.
So don’t scream,
Don’t cry
No matter how much the light might sear your eyes,
For such a call will send away
The fragile light a heart emanates

Heart Light

Finding Your Inner Light. The title of the book in her hand was laughable in her opinion. The corny cover illustration of a glittery pink heart with what appeared to be laser beams shooting from it didn’t help to improve her opinion. “Why did I buy this?” she asks herself as she tosses the book onto the floor by her bed. She follows the same motion herself as she plops onto her mattress, inadvertently sending a throw pillow to join the book on the floor.

“Hey, Lesa?” the girl’s roommate asked from the neighboring bed.

“Hm?”

“I’m going to Jack’s place for a party, you want to come?”

“No, thanks.” Lesa responded as she crossed her arms to cradle to head. Her roommate tried for a few minutes to convince her otherwise, but ultimately Lesa found herself alone in her dorm room as the light in the room faded with the coming of night.

Lesa opted for staying alone this night so she could ponder the outcome of the workshop she had attended earlier that day after which she had purchased the book now residing on her floor. In the past months, she had taken to attending classes on spiritualism, religion and faith in an attempt to “find out what was missing in her life”. Her father had taken to harassing her about her lack of religion every call home, arguing that her dissatisfaction with the world had to result from her rejection of religion in her childhood. Indeed, not a power in existence was capable to convincing Lesa to go to church, not since her mother died. Finally her father had resorted to giving the okay on any and all religions, clubs, groups and whatever so long as she would stop being so darned negative about life. He was even paying for it.

The latest endeavor lead her into some New Age religions. The earlier workshop was lead by a grungy long haired man that seemed to have missed the hippy age. Not a thing he said made any sense to Lesa, yet she found herself purchasing his book after the class. In all likely-hood she was just using the book as an excuse to spend her dad’s money as payback for pushing her to attend such garbage. However, this same excuse would not explain why she found herself picking up the book and reading the first chapter. On the first page was a grim little poem about losing your heart to the darkness. Yet, despite her scoffs she found herself skipping through the book for more information.

“Wow,” she murmured to herself, “ ‘Power exists already within yourself, completely separate from whatever power and spiritual aid you might request from a greater power’. That’s a nice change from ‘ooh, our god is all powerful, and you are not, fear him!!!’” She giggled to herself. And so, she found herself become more and more intrigued to the point that after reading about finding your inner heart she thought, “Why not?” put the book back on the floor to try it.
She drew from her experience on mediation and shamanic journey’s from some other unfortunate religious endeavors in order to find inner peace and go to her inner world. It was really a lot like daydreaming.

She imagined herself leaving her body and wandering her room, her own personal safe space. The book had stated that to find your heart, you had to find the light within your inner world. So Lesa stood by her bed and looked around for a light. Surely a light would not be too hard to find, she thought, yet there was no light in sight. She left her dorm room to find herself in the hall of her home. At the end of the hall, the door to her childhood bedroom was ajar. She wandered into her old room and found everything as she used to have it in her childhood. But she saw no light.
In the corner facing the window was an antique armoire she had inherited from her grandmother. Thinking the light might be hidden in there, she opened it only to find the park where her mother took her to play as a child inside.

Things continued like this for sometime. Lesa ended up traversing not only her room and the park, but her parent’s room, the attic where she used to play dress-up with her mother’s old clothes, the forest where her family used to go camping every summer, her grandmother’s garden, etc, etc, but no where could she find her heart.

Eventually the girl gave up. She turned around to find her dorm room behind her. And right here, she found something suspicious. At the foot of her bed sat a chest that wasn’t supposed to be there. It was her mother’s old chest where she stored her books and drawings, souvenirs and pictures from her childhood. That chest used to sit in the corner of the office, but after she died, her father had moved it into a dark corner of the attic. Lesa hadn’t seen the thing in years. The floor creaked beneath her feet as she crept towards the chest. She dropped to her knees before it and carefully unlocked it and pulled the lid up. Inside there were pictures of her and her mother together before her mother had gotten sick; pictures from years ago. But there was a bit of golden light peaking out from beneath a picture of her mother and her at a festival.

She moved the picture aside, and there, glowing like a star was an orb of golden light. It’s light was warm on her face. Looking at it felt like laying under the sun on a warm spring day. It’s so bright, I bet it is hot, Lesa thought, and with that thought in mind she extended her hand towards it to hesitantly brush her fingers against its surface. It was hot alright, touching it felt like sticking your hand into a fire, and as she touched it, the light had flared, burning her eyes.

She screamed.

And the pain was gone. She opened her eyes, yet she saw nothing. “Oh god, I went blind from looking into my heart.” If she were not halfway to hysterics she probably would have laughed at the thought. But alas, she couldn’t see her hand in front of her face, and that is a very sobering concept.